Joseph Kony should be President!
A hilarious picture with
strong political ‘undertones’ has been making the rounds on social media
lately.
In this photo, Tanzania’s out-gone President Jakaya Kikwete is embracing his successor John Magufuli, probably congratulating him on victory and wishing him an auspicious tenure.
Standing in line and looking on, like stunned clowns, are Zimbabwe’s Mugabe, Rwanda’s Kagame, and Uganda’s Museveni – who all seem amused by this ‘spectacle’.
What is funny is that of course, these three ‘spectating’ Excellencies have more than any other African strong-man in the recent past, resisted any attempts to succeed them, and show no signs of leaving office anytime soon.
This rather ‘bland’ occurrence led me to consider, in the Ugandan context, an ‘innocuous’ and purely hypothetical thought experiment.
For one insane moment, imagine you were Joseph Kony - the internationally declaimed (or is it acclaimed?) notorious Ugandan warlord whose Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) rebels ravaged the northern extremities of Uganda for over two decades, before he was routed by the Ugandan Army and forced to flee across the border into the Democratic Republic of Congo, where he was further pursued, and made to flee across another border into the Central African Republic – where it is alleged he is still at large (as well as living large), to this day.
Before we go further – let me propose a few (uncomfortable) truths, based on the irony of perspective.
First – in the eyes of Joseph Kony and his henchmen, theirs is a war of liberation aimed at freeing Uganda from what they see as the manacles of despotism under Yoweri Museveni.
For, indeed – while all that took Museveni to the ‘‘bush’’ in 1980 was the alleged rigging of an election where his party came last among five contenders; Joseph Kony, on the contrary, claims to be inspired of God, and looks upon himself as heaven’s anointed warrior fighting for a ‘righteous’ cause.
Tell me – which of the two purposes sounds stronger, and more 'libertarian'?
Secondly – since Kony is fighting a liberation war, he is not a rebel in his ‘humble’ view, but a freedom fighter.
If you think Kony is deranged – ask Mr. Museveni, our great liberator, if he wasn’t labeled a ‘bandit’ and rebel by Dr. Obote’s government in 1981.
Names and identities are just titular – they simply depend on which side of the hedge one stands.
Third – people world over who call Kony a blood-thirsty murderer who uses children as instruments of war, clearly understand nothing about African society and the ‘nurture’ (or is it nature?) of our children.
In the words of Yoweri Museveni himself, when interviewed by William Pike in the jungles of Luwero in 1984 as a rebel kingpin about his use of child soldiers in the NRA, he had this to say –
‘In Africa, boys are born violent. They grow up fighting with sticks and spears. All we’ve done is give them guns …’
Fourth – Kony is wanted by the International Criminal Court (ICC) as a war criminal; and by the Ugandan government for treason and armed rebellion against a ‘lawfully’ elected government.
But while Museveni in 1983 was actually wanted ‘‘dead or alive’’ for opposing a government to which he had contested and miserably lost an election; Kony – to be fair - has never acknowledged any election in this country, since his rebellion started soon after the then rebel Museveni overthrew the then ‘legitimate’ government.
Imagine further, that by some stroke of tragic misfortune (good fortune on Kony’s part!), the rebel LRA was able to beat back the Ugandan National Army and ran them out of town, advance on Kampala and sack the city; installing Kony as the head of a new military government over the Ugandan people.
Once you (remember that you're an imaginary Kony) have been hastily sworn-in by an arbitrary (and well intimidated) Chief Justice, you would then commence to consolidate your rule over the country.
The first thing to do would be to preempt any possible armed threat against your new and 'fragile' government.
To do this – you’d have to identify the unlucky military allies of the former President that were captured before fleeing to exile and have most of them shot at a public firing-squad for abetting the ‘‘oppression’’ of the Ugandan people for the past thirty years.
These would likely be today’s so-called ‘untouchable Generals’.
Next, the civilian ‘allies’ of the ex-president would be presented in court; and sentenced to death or to life in prison.
Those that lived to be seventy would be pardoned and released, as a one Chris Rwakasisi, can to Museveni's magnanimity, verily testify!
The few that survive this summary execution or sentencing would be dragged before a civil-military court and ‘compelled’ to confess their treason in exchange for a reprieve, before being integrated in the new government as a token of Kony’s good-will.
Never worry about the ICC – they will try to summon you and you’ll defy them.
After all, your fellow freedom fighters and African Presidents will coalesce around you in your time of need, denouncing that toothless ICC for sectarianism and selective justice.
Out of ‘racial guilt’, that great 'policeman of international justice' will find a way of holding a mock-trial before throwing out the charges – absolving you of any wrong during your rebel days.
If you doubt me – ask a one Uhuru Kenyatta how these things work.
After suspending the constitution indefinitely – you’d then embark on righting historical national ‘imbalances’ in the social and economic fabric of the country.
You would systematically eliminate soldiers of particular ethnicity, especially the ex-President’s, from your new army - by ‘encouraging’ their early retirement, or seeing to their ‘disappearance’.
You would then set up an elite army corps – and because ‘trust’ precedes so-called professionalism, you’d staff it with your clansmen and cousins. This would become your personal guard.
Also – because you’d be afraid of the emergence of ‘rebels’ within the ex-president’s fallen community; you’d embark on a deliberate but 'subtle' policy of attrition and economic dis-empowerment.
As a 'control experiment' – you’d actually sponsor a few ''trial'' rebel elements within this community who would have your leave to slaughter a few civilians for ‘demonstration’ purposes - which you'd use as an excuse to herd the whole community into IDP camps.
If you doubt me – ask our Acoli brethren what befell them in 1998.
Referring to the ‘photo moment’ at the start of this essay – it should be remembered that while Tanzania’s Kikwete had become president through an election; Paul Kagame, Robert Mugabe and Yoweri Museveni are ex-rebels, bandits and ruffians who forfeit their very lives, and were hunted by the Presidents they eventually replaced in the struggle for their countries’ ‘freedoms’!
Finally – if you were Joseph Kony – and had to risk your life, as he is doing today, and be called names, get shot at, be declared an ‘enemy of the state’, be hunted like a wild animal and bitten by mosquitoes as you labored to free your fellow Ugandans;
If you had to endure all this, and then through your prudent military initiative or by some streak of luck – such as when Oyite Ojok died in a helicopter accident in 1983 – you eventually ascended to the Ugandan Presidency;
If this happened – and you (Jospeh Kony) became Ugandan President, would you willingly surrender that seat in the next five years to some ‘sausage-eating’, pampered Ugandan claiming to know how to canvass votes in a ballot contest?
Actually, given the great measure of risk involved in winning that Presidency, do you think Kony would hand it over even in a hundred years?
Then why do you Ugandans want Yoweri Museveni to relinquish his?
Naye you Ugandans can be selfish! Go and – as one Ugandan minister once told a High Court judge in response to corruption allegations – eat your ''sausages''!
On a somberer note though –
When one comes to honestly consider the matter – one must come to concede that Joseph Kony isn’t his own creation, but the product of an unfortunate articulation of the turbulent currents of our society’s tragic history.
***
In this photo, Tanzania’s out-gone President Jakaya Kikwete is embracing his successor John Magufuli, probably congratulating him on victory and wishing him an auspicious tenure.
Standing in line and looking on, like stunned clowns, are Zimbabwe’s Mugabe, Rwanda’s Kagame, and Uganda’s Museveni – who all seem amused by this ‘spectacle’.
What is funny is that of course, these three ‘spectating’ Excellencies have more than any other African strong-man in the recent past, resisted any attempts to succeed them, and show no signs of leaving office anytime soon.
This rather ‘bland’ occurrence led me to consider, in the Ugandan context, an ‘innocuous’ and purely hypothetical thought experiment.
For one insane moment, imagine you were Joseph Kony - the internationally declaimed (or is it acclaimed?) notorious Ugandan warlord whose Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) rebels ravaged the northern extremities of Uganda for over two decades, before he was routed by the Ugandan Army and forced to flee across the border into the Democratic Republic of Congo, where he was further pursued, and made to flee across another border into the Central African Republic – where it is alleged he is still at large (as well as living large), to this day.
Before we go further – let me propose a few (uncomfortable) truths, based on the irony of perspective.
First – in the eyes of Joseph Kony and his henchmen, theirs is a war of liberation aimed at freeing Uganda from what they see as the manacles of despotism under Yoweri Museveni.
For, indeed – while all that took Museveni to the ‘‘bush’’ in 1980 was the alleged rigging of an election where his party came last among five contenders; Joseph Kony, on the contrary, claims to be inspired of God, and looks upon himself as heaven’s anointed warrior fighting for a ‘righteous’ cause.
Tell me – which of the two purposes sounds stronger, and more 'libertarian'?
Secondly – since Kony is fighting a liberation war, he is not a rebel in his ‘humble’ view, but a freedom fighter.
If you think Kony is deranged – ask Mr. Museveni, our great liberator, if he wasn’t labeled a ‘bandit’ and rebel by Dr. Obote’s government in 1981.
Names and identities are just titular – they simply depend on which side of the hedge one stands.
Third – people world over who call Kony a blood-thirsty murderer who uses children as instruments of war, clearly understand nothing about African society and the ‘nurture’ (or is it nature?) of our children.
In the words of Yoweri Museveni himself, when interviewed by William Pike in the jungles of Luwero in 1984 as a rebel kingpin about his use of child soldiers in the NRA, he had this to say –
‘In Africa, boys are born violent. They grow up fighting with sticks and spears. All we’ve done is give them guns …’
Fourth – Kony is wanted by the International Criminal Court (ICC) as a war criminal; and by the Ugandan government for treason and armed rebellion against a ‘lawfully’ elected government.
But while Museveni in 1983 was actually wanted ‘‘dead or alive’’ for opposing a government to which he had contested and miserably lost an election; Kony – to be fair - has never acknowledged any election in this country, since his rebellion started soon after the then rebel Museveni overthrew the then ‘legitimate’ government.
Imagine further, that by some stroke of tragic misfortune (good fortune on Kony’s part!), the rebel LRA was able to beat back the Ugandan National Army and ran them out of town, advance on Kampala and sack the city; installing Kony as the head of a new military government over the Ugandan people.
Once you (remember that you're an imaginary Kony) have been hastily sworn-in by an arbitrary (and well intimidated) Chief Justice, you would then commence to consolidate your rule over the country.
The first thing to do would be to preempt any possible armed threat against your new and 'fragile' government.
To do this – you’d have to identify the unlucky military allies of the former President that were captured before fleeing to exile and have most of them shot at a public firing-squad for abetting the ‘‘oppression’’ of the Ugandan people for the past thirty years.
These would likely be today’s so-called ‘untouchable Generals’.
Next, the civilian ‘allies’ of the ex-president would be presented in court; and sentenced to death or to life in prison.
Those that lived to be seventy would be pardoned and released, as a one Chris Rwakasisi, can to Museveni's magnanimity, verily testify!
The few that survive this summary execution or sentencing would be dragged before a civil-military court and ‘compelled’ to confess their treason in exchange for a reprieve, before being integrated in the new government as a token of Kony’s good-will.
Never worry about the ICC – they will try to summon you and you’ll defy them.
After all, your fellow freedom fighters and African Presidents will coalesce around you in your time of need, denouncing that toothless ICC for sectarianism and selective justice.
Out of ‘racial guilt’, that great 'policeman of international justice' will find a way of holding a mock-trial before throwing out the charges – absolving you of any wrong during your rebel days.
If you doubt me – ask a one Uhuru Kenyatta how these things work.
After suspending the constitution indefinitely – you’d then embark on righting historical national ‘imbalances’ in the social and economic fabric of the country.
You would systematically eliminate soldiers of particular ethnicity, especially the ex-President’s, from your new army - by ‘encouraging’ their early retirement, or seeing to their ‘disappearance’.
You would then set up an elite army corps – and because ‘trust’ precedes so-called professionalism, you’d staff it with your clansmen and cousins. This would become your personal guard.
Also – because you’d be afraid of the emergence of ‘rebels’ within the ex-president’s fallen community; you’d embark on a deliberate but 'subtle' policy of attrition and economic dis-empowerment.
As a 'control experiment' – you’d actually sponsor a few ''trial'' rebel elements within this community who would have your leave to slaughter a few civilians for ‘demonstration’ purposes - which you'd use as an excuse to herd the whole community into IDP camps.
If you doubt me – ask our Acoli brethren what befell them in 1998.
Referring to the ‘photo moment’ at the start of this essay – it should be remembered that while Tanzania’s Kikwete had become president through an election; Paul Kagame, Robert Mugabe and Yoweri Museveni are ex-rebels, bandits and ruffians who forfeit their very lives, and were hunted by the Presidents they eventually replaced in the struggle for their countries’ ‘freedoms’!
Finally – if you were Joseph Kony – and had to risk your life, as he is doing today, and be called names, get shot at, be declared an ‘enemy of the state’, be hunted like a wild animal and bitten by mosquitoes as you labored to free your fellow Ugandans;
If you had to endure all this, and then through your prudent military initiative or by some streak of luck – such as when Oyite Ojok died in a helicopter accident in 1983 – you eventually ascended to the Ugandan Presidency;
If this happened – and you (Jospeh Kony) became Ugandan President, would you willingly surrender that seat in the next five years to some ‘sausage-eating’, pampered Ugandan claiming to know how to canvass votes in a ballot contest?
Actually, given the great measure of risk involved in winning that Presidency, do you think Kony would hand it over even in a hundred years?
Then why do you Ugandans want Yoweri Museveni to relinquish his?
Naye you Ugandans can be selfish! Go and – as one Ugandan minister once told a High Court judge in response to corruption allegations – eat your ''sausages''!
On a somberer note though –
When one comes to honestly consider the matter – one must come to concede that Joseph Kony isn’t his own creation, but the product of an unfortunate articulation of the turbulent currents of our society’s tragic history.
Think
back on the institutions and conditions that create men like Kony:
Are
men like him innately evil and predisposed to sanguinary ends? Perhaps.
But
what we know for sure is that Kony is the brainchild of Uganda’s colonial
experiment – a callous inheritance of ethnic polarization that continues to pit
the broader Bantu against the non-Bantu of our little state.
Kony,
and so many of us that are as wolfish and ruthlessly ambitious as he is – are
also the creation of a colonial and neo-imperial capitalist philosophy
that exalts ends irrespective of means, and that places material success and
accumulation at the helm of human aspiration.
Finally,
Joseph Kony is the undeniable fetus of that most pernicious of colonial
institutions – the Christian Church, which in that little Altar boy they were
given by Acoli society
many years ago – honed and nurtured the superstitious and illusory penchant for
all men to think themselves the centerpiece of divine designs.
Hehe... this is all I do on saturday, read all the blog posts I may have missed . Great read.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anne :-)
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